“Brian?” Paul said, thinking of all the men they’d lost in his line of work from former drug use. “What’s wrong with Brian?”

Andy could hear the panic in Paul’s voice. “Nothing.” He said quickly, hoping it would calm Paul down a bit. “I just think you need to call him.”

“Why do I need to call him?” Paul said, starting to get a little antsy. “If there’s nothing wrong with him, I shouldn’t have to call him. Because, frankly I don’t think he wants to hear from me anyway.”

Andy had to chuckle. How could two grown men be so in love with each, but have no idea what the other one was thinking or feeling, even after years apart? “I think you’re wrong, Mr. Levesque. He really does want to hear from you.”

“Kid, if you’re gonna call, wake me up, and scare the hell out of me, call me Paul.” Paul said, looking at the clock and noticing for the first time it was about four in morning. “And if Brian wants to talk to me so bad, why am I talking to you and not him?”

Andy was half tempted to hang up on Paul. It seemed all he’d done all night was make people upset. He took a deep breath, knowing he had to go on for Brian’s sake. “Because, he’s scared and ashamed.” Andy said, letting out a sigh that made him sound a lot older than he really was.

“Ashamed?” Paul said, the confusion sitting in.

Andy was trying to figure out how to tell Paul everything that went on that night, in a hurry. He knew if Kip came downstairs and found out what he was doing, he wouldn’t be happy. “He said he put you through hell and when he got clean again, he figured you’d suffered enough. He just can’t get past the shame of loosing you to a bunch of pills.”

Paul sat there in his bed, not the one he’d shared with Brian, that one had to many memories attached to it. He’d gotten rid of that one years ago. The memories cascaded over him like icicles falling from the eve of a house... In northern Canada. Every image that flashed through his mind, brought on a pain that couldn’t be measured on any scale. “He’s has no reason to be ashamed.” Paul said. “I’m the one who needs to be ashamed.”

“What are you talking about?” Andy said, wishing he could be there to see the look in Paul’s eyes. Andy was a master at reading peoples looks, but he wasn’t so good at reading tones in other’s voices. “The way Brian tells it, you were some kind of saint. Saint Paul. To listen to him, you did everything right, he did everything wrong.”

“Well you shouldn’t believe everything Brian tells you.” Paul said, remembering all the things he’d done to Brian. “I wasn’t a saint, by any stretch of the imagination.”

Andy sat there for a few minutes, listening to Paul breath. “I’ve been told I’m a very good listener.” Andy said, hoping that would help Paul open up to him. “You could tell me your side, and I could tell you what Brian said. In a way it would be like you were talking to him.”

“I raped him.” Paul said, listening to the stunned silence on the other end of the phone. “That’s why I left.”

Andy lost all sense of himself at that moment. He’d grown to love Brian like a brother. “What the fuck do you mean you raped him?” Andy said, letting anger show through his voice for the first time that night. “What kind of sick fuck are you?”

“The kind that loved Brian so much I just wanted to be with him.” Paul said, the sounds of tears in voice. “Toward the end, Brian was so stoned on those pills that he didn’t care about the physical side of our relationship. Most times he’d pass out during the foreplay. Then one night, he actually made it until I was inside of him before he past out. I was so lost in the feeling of just being with him, I didn’t notice he was out until it was over.”

Andy breathed a sigh of relief. “Paul, that’s not rape.” Andy said, in a much calmer, almost loving, tone. “That’s happened to me and Kip before. I was drunk, we were in bed, and I passed out. He told me he just finished what he was doing and passed out next to me. It’s not rape. When you started out that evening, Brian wasn’t telling you no. It was consensual.”

Paul was shocked, how this kid could go from being in a rage to calm and cool in such a short amount of time. He was also amazed at this kid’s heart. He was starting to see what Kip saw in him. “It wouldn’t be rape if that’s the only time it happened.” Paul said, tears still dripping from his voice. “It happened several other times, and I wasn’t inside him before he past out. I just wanted to be with him so much.” Paul broke down crying then, unable to continue.

“It’s alright Paul.” Andy said, trying to calm Paul down. “This is why you need to call him. You two need to work things out. He still loves you. You should have seen him when you came out there tonight. He was so excited to see you he left bruises on Kips shoulders. And the look in his eyes when he talks about you. I’ve never seen such a mix of joy and pain in my whole life, until Brian told me the story of you and him tonight. Trust me, whatever happened in your past, is in your past. Please call him. By the way, I have to ask you something. That line in your new entrance? Does it have anything to do with Brian?”

In spite of everything Paul was feeling right then, he had to chuckle. “Andy, it has everything to do with him.” Paul said. “Before the pills and The Game and everything else that tore us apart, let’s just say our friends had a lot of fun with us. You should ask Brian to see his collection of collars and leashes someday. That seemed to be the standard gag gift for birthdays and anniversaries amongst our friends. So when we were in the back and having a good time, I’d just look at him and say on your knees dogg. He’d get down on his knees and I’d lead him around by the hair. He acted like he was my pet or something. It was all done in fun.” Paul paused for a minute. “I miss those days. That’s why I told Lemmy he had to put that line in the song.”

“Well, when I pointed it out to him, it had a profound impact.” Andy said, just imaging Brian in his room, doing unspeakable things to himself. That image was better than the one he had were Brian was crying himself to sleep, so Andy just went with the sexual thoughts of Brian. “Please call him. I think he’s lost without you.”

“Brian’s never lost.” Paul said. “With or without me, he’s never lost. Angels don’t get lost.”

“What the hell are you doing?” Kip said, walking into the living room and taking the phone from Andy. “Who is this?”

“Hey Ass Man!” Paul said. “You got one hell of man there.”

Kip glared at Andy, anger written all over his face. “Sorry he woke you up Paul. Apparently I need to keep him on a shorter leash.”

“Borrow one from Brian.” Paul said, laughing to himself. “Just don’t be mad at him. He not only woke me up, he opened my eyes. I gotta go.” Paul threw the covers off of him and started to get out of bed. “Hey Kip? What’s the nearest airport to Jay, Florida?”