Matt and the kids aren’t going to be happy. I don’t even know how I’m gonna tell them. Matt just lost his job, and we were okay, I still had mine. Now I’ve lost my job, Matt doesn’t have one, Crispin’s starting a private school in the fall and then there’s Caleb and Paige to consider. I don’t know what happened. When we adopted three kids we were both secure in our jobs, our house had just been completed, and everything was right with the world. Then it all started to go wrong around April.

That bitch, Amy, got Matt fired. And right when he was about to make his big comeback too. Then he had to start that whole Matt Hardy Show thing, which just let the entire world into our house. We were still doing okay though, until today. I just got the call, telling me that I was no longer needed with the company, but they wished me luck in all my future endeavors. What a crock of shit. So now I have a husband and three kids, no income, and nothing to fall back on.

I walked downstairs, thinking of a way to tell Matt and the kids that daddy no longer was employed. I couldn’t think of anything so when I walked into the living room, where Matt was playing with the kids, I just blurted it out. ‘Hey, guess what? I just lost my job.’ I said, like nothing major had happened.

‘WHAT!?’ Matt practically screamed, jumping up from the floor. ‘They can’t do that.’ He added, raising his voice a little higher.

‘Matt. The kids.’ I reminded him, noticing they were all staring at him. ‘It’s cool. I mean you’re gonna be starting in TNA any day now aren’t you? We’ll be fine. We’ve saved some money and I’ll get another job just as soon as this ninety day thing is out of the way.’

Matt looked away from me and my stomach sank. I know he’s been trying to get back on at WWE but he surely didn’t turn TNA down did he? ‘Well I’m not exactly going to TNA, Shannon.’ Matt said, not even able to look me in the eye.

‘What do you mean you’re not going to TNA Matthew?’ I said, trying to use my best indoor voice.

‘Well I got a call from Vince this morning.’ Matt said, the guilt welling up in his eyes. ‘He wants me back. I guess all the fans chanting and the e-mails they sent worked. He’s even going to pay me more this time around than he was last time.’

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Great Matt had his job back, but at the risk of sounding like Raven here. What about me? What about Shannon Moore? I just didn’t want to talk about all this right now. I just picked up Paige, our only girl and our youngest, and walked out of the room.

ONE MONTH LATER

Well, I just saw Matt off. We talked about him going back to work for that egomaniac and decided that it would at least pay the bills. At least that’s what I decided. Matt was thrilled. He lives, eats, breaths, and sleeps that damn company. For right now, though, I’m just content to spend some time with my kids. I’m gonna love this. Two months of just me and them.

LATER THAT NIGHT

Boy, was I ever wrong. I don’t know what the hell Matt’s done to those kids, but their all heathens. Paige, for starters, is the most whiny baby I could ever imagine. All she wanted today was to be held. It’s like she thinks she’s the only kid I have or something. She screamed every time I put her down. I finally just got sick of it and went and got our Snugli carrier. So I had to walk around all day with her strapped to my chest.

That wasn’t even the worst. Caleb, he’s our two year old. I used to think that all that terrible two stuff was bull. Now, I don’t even think that terrible describes it. He cut his hair today. Yep a two year old decided to become Vidal Sassoon. And trust me he needs fired because it didn’t look good. I know we adopted him, but we were thrilled to find out that he was a blonde haired, green eyed little boy. We let his hair grow, just got it trimmed from time to time, so his hair looked like mine used to. Well, not any more. Now it looks more like Shane’s. It’s shaved in the back now. Then when we got home from that He decided to put away his toys. I was thrilled. I thought he was being nice because he knew he was in trouble. I told him to go ahead and do it while I went and started lunch. When I came back into the living room, I realized that I should have supervised. I’m going out tomorrow and buying a new VCR, because our wonderful, loveable son decided to stick his toys in there. Yeah, toy cars, crayons, army men, whatever he could fit in that thing he shoved in there. Let’s just say the machines dead now. I’m thinking about having a memorial tomorrow as well. Either for the VCR or for Caleb, whichever one comes first.

Now I thought Crispin would be some help today. I couldn’t have been any more wrong. All I heard today was DAD!!!! That’s it. Crispin just screamed at me all day long. Tattling on his brother and sister, on the few occasions I got out of her sight. Do you think he would tattle on himself though? Oh hell no. This kid’s gonna be artsy, like his uncle Jeff. I should know, we now have a mural in the dining room. Granted it only goes about three foot up the wall, and it’s not that great of a drawing, but hey our son wanted to redecorate so who am I to judge what’s art? I’m the one that has to clean it off the wall, that’s who. I just don’t get it, too. I had to watch him do everything today. Do you think he wanted me to watch him draw on the wall? Nope, but I had to watch him ride his bike, dance to music just like uncle Jeff, play a game on the play station, you name it, I had to watch it. Then we started the ‘why’ game. I never realized how useful the ‘because I said so’ response was until today.

That sounds like a pretty horrible day, don’t it? Wait it gets better. That’s just the stuff they did at home. We had to go to the grocery store today. Let me tell you, never, and I mean EEEEEEVER, take three kids into the Super Wal-Mart. We went in there for grocery's, that’s it. Guess what we left with. You got it. Everything. I couldn’t believe it. Crispin bugged me the whole time we were in there to go to the electronics department. This was a nightmare. I thought I knew a lot about video games. Apparently I know squat. And I was educated by a five year old today on every video game they had. I wound up buying him two of them just to shut him up and get him out of the store.

Caleb on the other hand was a little easier to please. He’s at that stage where he doesn’t care what it costs, just as long as your buying it for him. No, his fun was at the salon. You remember the hair cutting thing? Yeah, well, apparently he didn’t care if he was doing it himself, he just didn’t want anyone else to do it. He screamed, he dodged, he climbed out of the chair. That’s when I decided that I should just put him on my lap. Yeah, great idea. That required putting Paige down. Let’s just say, she wasn’t happy and everyone in a two block radius knew about it too. It was about that time, that Caleb looked at his sister and screamed, right there in the salon, ‘shut the fuck up’. You know, that reminds me, I need to pay uncle Jeff a visit tomorrow and punch him. Because I know that’s where he heard that. Matt and I are very cautious with our language around the kids, and that’s why.

I didn’t have too many problems out of Paige, unless I went to put her down somewhere. Then she made sure that everyone in the place gave me that ‘I can’t believe he’s so mean’ look. Now, I didn’t feel like making dinner tonight, because I was exhausted from today, so I took the kids to McDonalds. I never thought I would say this, but we closed McDonalds. Five years ago, I was closing down bars, now I’m closing down McDonalds. I guess my major mistake was taking them to one that had a play center. They should rename those things to the center that Satan built. It was like pulling eye teeth to get them to eat anything. Thank God, Paige is still on baby food. It wasn’t too hard to get her to eat, but the other two. That was a totally different story. I think they ate half a cheeseburger, and two or three fries before I’d had enough and told them to go play.

I ate in peace then. Except for the throbbing in my head that is. Paige fell asleep, in her pumpkin seat, thank the Lord, and I cleaned everything up. I guess I forgot the unwritten law that says these kids are gonna want their food an hour later. Crispin and Caleb came back to the table and you’d have though I shot them. ‘Where's my food’. I couldn’t believe it. I told them that I threw it away because they didn’t eat it, and you know what they said? ‘I’m hungry now.’ So what do you do when your children are standing there telling you their hungry? Yep I went and got them two more happy meals. They took three bites and ran off to play again. I just left it this time. If they want to eat cold McDonalds then let them. I relaxed for a few minutes.

Getting them out of that damned play center was worse than pulling eye teeth. I’d rather be having a root canal done. They looked at me like I was the devil himself. I finally did it though, after bribing them with an ice cream cone. I got them all in the car and drove home. They all passed out on the way there and I enjoyed the silent drive. It wasn’t until I got home, that I realized that Crispin and Caleb had fallen asleep with ice cream cones in their hands. Well, there’s some detail work on the car. Guess I’ll do that tomorrow too.

Now, I had three kids, two arms, and one door that I had negotiate. I didn’t want to leave them in the car by themselves for too long, so I left Paige there. Hey, she’s strapped into a car seat, if she wakes up she’s just gonna cry, and what’s new with that. So I grabbed Caleb and took him up to his room, ran back down and repeated that with Crispin, then ran back down and got Paige. Yeah, just call me the stair master. I changed Paige’s diaper, gave her a bottle, and put her in her crib. I was just about to lay down, when I remembered Caleb and Crispin. I dragged myself out of my nice, kid free, bed and went to Crispin’s room first. I know you’re gonna think I’m a horrible dad, but I took his shoes off of him and washed his face and hands with a baby wipe, covered him and left him. I did the same thing to Caleb, then went to bed.

I was just about to doze off, when the phone rang. I jumped at it like it was on fire. ‘Who the fuck is this?’ I asked in a hushed tone.

‘Hey baby, it’s just me.’ Matt said, from the other end, sounding rested and happy. ‘Just thought I’d call and see how you’re doing with the kids. They’re not any trouble are they?’

I couldn’t lie to him. I had to tell him the truth. It took about half an hour, but finally when I was done there was only one thing I could say. ‘Matt I don’t know how you rehabbed a knee and took care of these three at the same time.’ I heard Matt chuckle on the other end. ‘Matt your my hero.’