“Great.” Matt Bentley said to himself, as he sat there and watched the atrocity that was playing out on the monitor. “Just another one that will get to be held in those arms.” Matt knew that everyone in the back thought he was crazy, but he couldn’t help himself. He was madly, deeply, truly, and passionately in love with the man that was on the screen. He listened as the object of his desire, Brian James, spoke about his family. He cringed every time Brian uttered the word family, because he knew in his heart that he’d never be part of that family.

It seemed like Matt had been in love with Brian ever since he could remember. Lately it had gotten bad, though. Matt had stopped going out altogether. Not with friends, not on dates, nothing. He just stayed in his hotel room until it was time for the shows, or time to go home. You’d think that when Matt went home, it would be better right? Wrong. It only got worse. He would sit at home and watch old tapes of Brian, look through magazines, and anything else he could do that would keep his eyes on the man, that he felt, should be his.

It wasn’t always like this. When Matt and Brian first met, Matt was thrilled to be meeting the infamous Road Dogg. Brian’s accomplishments were unmatched in Matt’s eyes. He’d held over 15 titles, he fought in Desert Storm, and he had gotten help with his drug problem and was clean and sober. To Matt these accomplishments were unparalleled. That’s why Matt was so awestruck by Brian to begin with. He didn’t think anything of it, though, until he started thinking about Brian almost 24 hours a day. He was making excuses to talk to Brian, he was hanging out with him, he was calling him, he was doing anything he could to get close to Brian. That’s when he realized that he was in love.

Matt had never been in love before. Not real love anyway. After all he was only 26 years old, but at that tender age he found that he was in love, true love, with a 36 year old man. Your first true love can scare the hell out of you, to say the least, and that’s exactly what it did to Matt Bentley. When he came to the realization that he was in love for the first time in his young life, he panicked. He secluded himself from his friends, he stopped all contact with Brian, and he hulled himself up in his house or hotel every night. He was living a miserable existence, and still was to this day.

This was the night that he had finally decided, for better or worse, that he was going to tell Brian exactly how he felt. Then Brian had to drag his boyfriend, or boyfriends whichever the case may be, to the ring and publicly announce that they were a family. Matt sat there feeling worse than he’d ever felt before. The mere thought that he would never know what it was like to be held by Brian, to kiss him, to wake up to his smiling face, made Matt feel like he couldn’t go on any more. This was the first time that he’d ever let the notion of suicide enter his thoughts. He was sure that he wouldn’t do it, but for a second it sure did sound good.

“What’s wrong with you?” Came a familiar voice. Matt turned around in the chair he was sitting in and saw the friendly, smiling face of Petey Williams. “You look like someone just stole your dog.” Petey said, pulling up a chair and sitting down next to Matt.

“Actually, I think they just did.” Matt said, looking back at the TV monitor, and letting out a heavy sigh.

“What the hell are you talking about, Matt?” Petey said.

Matt didn’t know where it came from. Maybe he was just too depressed to care anymore, or maybe it was the fact that he had to tell someone or he was going to go insane, but before he knew what he was saying, he’d blurted it out. “I’m in love with Brian.”

Petey sat there quietly stunned for a moment. What exactly do you say when a friend tells you their in love with someone? A smile crept across Petey’s face after a moment, and he said, “Well, what are you doing sitting back here looking depressed for? Go tell the man.”

“Are you crazy?” Matt said, looking at Petey as if he’d just grown a third eyeball or something. “He’s involved. Really involved.”

“With who?” Petey said, completely interested now. Petey always was one for the gossip backstage.

“Konan, Ron, Kip, take your pick.” Matt said, motioning to the monitor. “Or it could be worse and you pick any combination of the three, or hell, all three of them, but you can’t tell me that one of them hasn’t snagged him yet. Look at him.”

“Back up there sport.” Petey said, in that all to condescending tone of voice. You know the one that says ‘hey I know everything and you know nothing? “First of all, Konan isn’t gay.”

“He’s not?” Matt said, completely stunned. “The way him and Brian carry on back here, I was sure that they were together.”

“Nope. Have you ever noticed that he only carries on that way with Brian?” Petey said, and Matt just shook his head. “Second thing is, I don’t think that Chris Daniels would like his boyfriend, Ron, sleeping with Brian.”

Matt mouth dropped open. No one had heard about this one. “Since when?” Matt said, not sure weather or not to believe Petey.

“Since about two months ago.” Petey said, proud of himself. “You didn’t notice that the night Chris got hurt, Ron was running around here acting like a maniac?”

“Now that you mention it, yeah” Matt said, seeing light at the end of a very dark tunnel for the first time in ages. That light quickly disappeared when he thought of Kip James. “What about Kip, though? Him and Brian had been together since God was a boy.”

Petey thought about that one for a moment. Laughter rang out through the room. “Well, what about Kip?” Petey didn’t have a chance to say another word, before strong arms wrapped themselves around him.

Matt looked up and standing right behind his friend, was none other than Kip James, Bitch. At least that’s what his shirt said. “Yeah, what about me?” Kip said, leaning down to place a tender kiss on the side of Petey’s neck.

“Oh, Matt here, thought that you and Brian were dating.” Petey said, turning slightly to place a small kiss on Kips lips.

“Why does everyone think that?” Kip said, in exasperation. “Hunter thought that, Shawn thought that, hell Jonnie thought that. We’re just best friends. Sort of like Jeff Hardy and Shannon Moore. Friends.” Kip looked down at the man in his arms at that point, and then back at Matt. “Besides, I couldn’t even imagine being with anyone else. I love Petey.”

“Alright, so your his best friend. Who’s he with?” Matt said, in frustration.

“Monty Brown.” Kip said, without skipping a beat. He was completely serious until he looked into Matt’s eyes and saw the tears welling up in them.

Kip looked down at Petey, who promptly smacked him on the chest. “He loves Brian.” Petey whispered.

“Oh shit.” Kip said, looking from Petey to Matt. “Matt, I was just jokin’ with ya man. Brian isn’t seeing anyone right now. Seriously.”

Matt looked up at Kip and Petey, hoping that Kip was telling him the truth. “Hey Kip! What’s goin’ on?” Brian said, as he entered the room.

“Not much, man.” Kip said, and without saying another word escorted Petey out of the room.

“Well, that was rude.” Brian said, turning to Matt. “So, what’s up with you?”

Matt didn’t even realize the words were coming out of his mouth until after he’d said them. “Well, me since you walked in the room.” Once the word room was out of his mouth, he realized what he’d said. He stopped breathing, his brain shut down, and he got that all over body numb that’s usually reserved for a family member’s sudden death.

Brian looked at Matt with a mixture of confusion and flattery. He didn’t ask Matt to repeat himself, because he’d been around the block enough to know that Matt probably couldn’t answer him if he wanted to. “Well I could take care of that for ya.” Brian said, rather enjoying the reaction it elicited from the younger man.

Matt stood there, dumb struck. He couldn’t move. It was too much to hope for that he’d just heard Brian right. Realization hit Matt at that point. He snapped back to reality, gathered every ounce of courage that he had and said, “We have to talk.”

“Alright.” Brian said, sitting down in the chair that Petey had just occupied. “Talk.”

Matt sat back down in his chair and looked Brian straight in the eyes. “I’ve fallen in love with you.” Matt waited a minute for the statement to really sink in. When Brian didn’t respond he continued. “I’ve felt this way for a while now. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you lately. I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“Well love is a strong emotion.” Brian said, sounding like Matt’s father instead of the object of the young mans affections. “It does different things to different...”

Brian was cut off by Matt standing up, throwing his arms in the air and starting to pace. “Stop it, with the generic father figure bull shit. I know what love can do to someone. I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t function anymore. Just tell me. Do I stand a shot with you or not.”

Brian sat there for a while, not knowing what to say to the young man. He was flattered, but there was ten years between them. He’d seen what kind of disaster relationships like that could end in. He was very apprehensive about the whole thing. Then he looked up into Matt’s eyes. He didn’t see the deception or the expectation there that he’d seen in so many others. This kid looked sincere. “Let’s have dinner tonight, after the tapings. We’ll talk and see how compatible we are and take it from there.” Brian said, standing up. “I can’t promise you anything though.”

“I understand that.” Matt said, starting to get feeling to his entire body again. “All I want is a chance. I don’t want to go through the rest of my life wondering what if.”

The two stood there in an awkward silence for a minute or so, then Brian followed his heart. He stepped toward Matt and wrapped him in a big hug. He kept Matt that way for several more minutes. Finally after the hug was broken Brian said that he’d see Matt after the show, and walked out of the room. Oh his way to his locker room, he found himself secretly praying to God that this would work out.

When Brian reached his locker room, he locked the door behind him. It was time to search his soul, and find some kind of peace with all of this. He remembered meeting Matt for the first time, and remarking to Ron how attractive the young man was. He remembered the countless nights of hanging out with Matt, even at bars, and how Matt would not drink in front of him, and how Matt would take care of him when he was hurt or not feeling well. Deep down he had to admit to himself that he did have some feelings for Matt Bentley. That’s when he began to pray out loud. “Dear Lord, Please let things work out between me and Matt. Let me have the strength to give him what he wants, the knowledge to know when the time is right, and the compassion to love him the way he deserves to be loved. Amen.”

Before he knew it the taping were over, and Brian was on his way to Matt’s locker room to pick him up for their ‘date’. He was a bundle of nerves. He couldn’t remember when he’d ever been this nervous. He wasn’t even this nervous when he’d been out on his first date with Sean Waltman, and he was nuts over him. He knocked on Matt’s door and was greeted by the most beautiful site he’d ever seen. Matt Bentley, freshly showered and dressed for an evening out. He held out his arm and allowed Matt to loop his arm through it. They walked toward the parking garage, and hopefully toward a long and loving relationship. At least, so they both hoped.