I can’t believe it. Two months of begging has finally paid of. Lance is coming on the road with me for a whole week. I don’t know how I’ve survived this long without him, and I’m not talking about this tour I’m on. I’m talking about my whole life. The only thing I can remember about myself before Lance stepped into my life, is the fact that I didn’t like myself. Before Lance, my best friend was Jack Daniels, my lover was Marlboro, and my nights consisted of an endless supply of ring rats. I drank at least a fifth of Jack every night, just to deaden the pain of being alone. I was hooked on smoking, at least two packs a day. And my bedroom should have had a rotating door. Men, women, it didn’t matter, as long as I got off.

One night about a year ago, WWE was in Orlando, Florida getting ready for a pay-per-view event. The night before the show, Matt Hardy asked me if I’d like to go get a drink with him, his brother Jeff, and some of Jeff’s TNA friends. Now, I’ve never been one to turn down a drink, so naturally I went. I don’t remember noticing him at first. I guess I was too far gone in my depression to have noticed anyone. All I remember was waking up the next morning and seeing him sitting on the couch in my hotel room. The sun shone in through the open curtains, and I know that it was just the sleep that lingered in my eyes, but I swear he had a hallow.

That’s when he said it. The words I thought I didn’t need at that point in my life, but the words that ultimately saved me. I sat up in bed, and the first words out of his mouth were, ‘You used to be my idol’. I got pissed right off the bat and threw him the fuck out of my room. He showed up at the show that night, and got to see me sober. That’s when he said it again. ‘You used to be my idol.’ I guess it was the fact that I was fully awake at that point, or it could have been the lack of alcohol in my system, but I finally asked him what he meant by ‘used to be’. He told me that I was the one man in the business that seemed to have it all together, and when he saw me drunk that night it smashed every notion he ever had of me.

His words didn’t sink in right away. I still went out that night and celebrated my win at the PPV, with a large dose of Jack and a couple of ring rats. When I woke up the next morning, alone, in a cold bed, that’s when it hit. He didn’t have any other reason to be at that PPV. He didn’t have any friends there, I didn’t see Jeff so he didn’t come with him, and I was the only person I knew he’d talked to before he left. I sit back in bed and lit the first cigarette of the day, and thought about how he couldn’t possibly have been there just to see me, and about how much guts it took to talk to someone, they call a legend that way. The rest of the day all I could think about was Lance Hoyt.

I went out to the bar that night, and had my first drink in my hand. That’s when it started ringing through my head like the chime of Big Ben. ‘You used to be my idol.’ That’s all that was running through my head. I couldn’t even drink the damn thing. I just sit it down and walked out of the bar. I walked around the streets of whatever city we were in for a couple of hours and all I could was think about this kid. And that’s exactly what he was, a kid. He couldn’t have been more than 21. I was just stunned that he could get in my head like that. No one before or since has been able to do that.

I must have done this routine for a solid week, before I couldn’t take it anymore. I called Matt Hardy, and had him call his brother and get Lance’s phone number for me. I carried it around with me for about two days before I worked up the balls to call him. Then one night sitting in my hotel room, smoking a cigarette, I called him. I think he was shocked to hear from me, at least that’s the way it seemed. We talked for at least three hours that night, but when I got off the phone I remember the feeling I had. It wasn’t depression, it wasn’t anything I could describe, besides happiness. All it took was one three hour conversation with him and I was hooked.

I called him every night it seemed for at least a month. My cell phone bill was outrageous. That’s when I knew I had to go see him or get a second job to pay for the cell phone. So the next time I was home, I called him and did the scariest thing I’d ever done. I called him up and asked him to go on a date with me. Yeah, I’ve been in Hell In A Cell matches, Inferno matches and Casket matches, but calling a guy and asking him for a date was the scariest thing that I, Mark Calloway, had ever done. And if you think that was scary, imagine the terror I felt when he said yes.

That next Wednesday, I drove for three and a half hours to take this man out on a date. I’m surprised I made it. I had second thoughts around Huntsville, and almost turned back around Arlington. Thank God for the Marlboro man giving me the strength I needed. I made it to his house around six, and picked him up for our date. Throughout the course of that evening, I fell in love. When I dropped him off, I walked him to his door and took the chance on a goodnight kiss. That’s when my heart fell hopelessly in love. I leaned in for the kiss and he wrapped his arms around my neck and actually returned it. I’m surprised I didn’t wind up in a wreck on the way home. That’s a hell of a long drive for someone with their head in the clouds.

We saw each other every available opportunity over the course of the next three months. That’s when I decided to sell my house and move to Dallas. I’d lived in Houston all my life, I’d never been in serious relationship with a man, and I was selling my house to move closer to the man that I thought of as my boyfriend. Let me tell you the first time I said that word, liked to have scared the shit out of me. I was talking to Glen one day and referred to Lance as my boyfriend. I think it took me more off guard than it did Glen. But that’s what I considered him. I wasn’t seeing anyone else and neither was he, what would you call him?

It was about two weeks after I had moved to Dallas that, I guess you would say, I made it official. We finally hooked up one night, and I told him before anything ever got started that night that I didn’t have casual sex with someone I care for. Once we went through with this that would be it for me. I basically pledged my fidelity to him that night, and he pledged his to me. That’s how this whole crazy thing got started. Since that night, I’ve given up drinking, smoking, and all the ring rats. I’m just your average Joe now. My only vice is Lance. And he’s finally coming to see me, so I can show him off to my friends.

That’s what’s got me sitting in this airport at two in the morning. His plane should already be on the ground, I’m just waiting to see his beautiful face. Finally I see him coming out of the gate and I stand up. He runs over to me and throws his arms around my neck and gives me a kiss. Yep, right there in front of God and everybody. And I couldn’t have cared less. He’s with me now and that makes everything right with the world. There’s only one catch. After this whole business of getting together with him and being with him now for the past eight months as a couple, I’m still not used to things being this good. I’m always waiting for something bad to happen. I guess being a pessimist is the only vice that I’m holding onto.

I took him back to my hotel, and let’s just say, we got reacquainted with each other. For about a day and a half. He is absolutely mind blowing when it comes to sex. But, I’d still feel the same way about him if he said he never wanted to have it again. I never thought that I could love someone that much. To the point that I would be okay with never having sex again, just as long as they were in my life. Love is a strange emotion. I’ve never had something thrill me so much and then scare the hell out of me in the same breath, but love can.

We got up the second day he was there, and I had a show to go to. So I took him with me and introduced him to everyone. Everyone totally loved him, with the exception of one. David Cash. It didn’t take me long to figure out why either. Lance had gone to talk to Matt Hardy, and that’s when ‘Kid’ came walking into my locker room. “Doesn’t he give the best blow jobs?” He said, out of the blue.

“Excuse me?” I said, praying that I had heard him wrong.

“I said, doesn’t he give the best blow jobs? But I think the way he squeaks during sex is the cutest. And the faces he makes when he cums are just gorgeous.” Kid said, and I couldn’t even look at him. I guess this was my bad thing that was happening. Sitting there and having to listen to my lover’s ex go on about everything that I find wonderful about the man. “And the poetry he would write me. God, that just melted my heart. But if you want to see him at his best, have him write you an erotic story. I still have some of his work. I jerk off to it sometimes. Well that and his picture.”

That was it. I had to do it. I broke his nose. Luckily it was so big to start with that the swelling was hardly noticeable. I just couldn’t stand there and listen to his endless line of bull shit anymore. Just the thought of his hands on the man I love, got me so mad, that I swear I could have killed him right there. And wouldn’t you know it. Just about the time Kid took his hands away from his nose to see the amount of blood that had pooled there, that’s when Lance walked in. “David, are you alright.” Lance said, and walked up to the man who had the broken nose. That killed me. I knew I was in trouble, but when I saw him put his hand on Kid’s back, it was like a dagger straight through my heart.

“All I was doing was talking to him about how talented you were and he hit me.” Kid said, as Lance got him a towel for his nose.

“That’s a fucking lie!” I said, probably a little louder than I should have. “He was telling me how talented you were alright. Talented at blow jobs, sex, writing erotic stories that he still jerks off to.”

“Get the fuck out!” Lance practically bellowed. David turned on his heels and almost ran out the door. Lance turned around and looked at me. “I’m sorry Mark, I should have told you about him. We were together for about two years, and yes, I did love him. But that was before I found out that he cheated on me with Kevin Nash. I broke up with him then and I don’t think he’s gotten over it.”

I sat there for a few minutes, not even able to look at him. I wasn’t mad at him, but he had just stood there and been totally honest with me. That meant that I had to return the honesty. “Come sit down.” I said, patting the couch beside me. He came and sat beside me, lacing his fingers with mine. “I don't’ care who you dated before we got together. That was in the past. Sometimes the past comes back to haunt us, that’s all. And mines about to come back and destroy me.”

“Why would you say something like that?” Lance said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and sliding onto my lap.

I wrapped my arms around him and continued the very tense story. “Before we got together, I had more than my fair share of lovers.” I paused after that, thinking that came out all wrong. “I actually wouldn’t call them lovers, or partners, or anything else that implies I knew their names. Do you remember when we first met?” I said, and he nodded his head. “Well back then I would have sex with two or three people a night. Men, woman, it didn’t matter to me. I was just sex. It always left me feeling emptier than before, and I never really felt satisfied by any of them.” I stopped talking at that point, figuring there was no need to go on if he was gonna leave me then.

“You’re not doing that stuff anymore, right?” Lance asked, more like an inquisitive question more than an accusation.

“Of course not, darlin’. You’re the only one I think about.” I said, scared to death that it was over.

Lance sat there and laid his head on my shoulder. “Well then, Markie, I don’t see a problem with it.” He said, and started kissing my neck.

I bet a strong wind could have knocked me over at that point. I was so ready for him to leave me, and all he did was start making out with me. Maybe the old saying is right, honesty is the best policy.