“No, Lance. You lost the bet.” Jeff said, as he opened the door to the roughest nightclub in town. “Now it’s time to pay up.”

I couldn’t believe what I’m about to do. This place is the fiercest nightclub in Orlando. Now I had to walk in there and sing that damn song to a packed house. I was going home in a body bag I just knew it. And I couldn’t believe that Chris was letting them make me do this. My own boyfriend, the love of my life, the man that inspires my poetry, was feeding me to the wolves. That’s okay, I’d had all day to think of my revenge and they would rue the day that made me sing this song.

The seven of us walked into the bar, and Scott, better known to the world as Raven, walked immediately up to the DJ. He came back with a huge smile on his face and sat down next to his lover Jeff Hardy. He wrapped his arm around him and said, “It’s all set up boys. Just sit back and enjoy the show.”

I looked around at the rest of the group. They were all sitting there with smirks on their faces. The one person not wearing a smirk was Christopher Sabin. We’d been dating for a while now, and I’d wrote him so many poems and sonnets that I figured he’d be the one to save me right? Nope. He was just sitting there letting it happen. After a few drinks the DJ called my name, but didn’t call out what song I would be singing. Thank God!

I stepped up to the gallows, aka, the mic, and listened as that damned twangy, acoustic guitar started playing. Here I was, Lance Hoyt, a six foot ten Texan getting ready to sing this song to a room full of metal heads and bikers. Oh well here goes nothing.

I Want to Tell You All a Story 'bout a Harper Valley Widow Wife
Who Had a Teenage Daughter That Attended Harper Valley Junior High
Well Her Daughter Came Home One Afternoon and Didn't Even Stop to Play
And She Said, "mama, I've Got a Note Here From the Harper Valley Pta"
Well the Note Says "Mrs.. Johnson, You're Wearing Your Dresses Way Too High
It's Been Reported You've Been Drinkin' and a Runnin' Round With Men and Goin' Wild
Now We Don't Believe You Ought to Be a Bringin' Up Your Little Girl This Way"
And It Was Signed By the Secretary, Harper Valley Pta

Everyone was looking at me as if, I’d just grown an arm out of my forehead or something. In the few seconds I had before the second verse, I thought I’d better save my own ass, since no one was gonna do it for me. “I lost a bet okay?” I said, then continued on with my song.

Now here’s where my revenge started taking shape. With the crowd appeased, I grabbed the mic off the stand and started stepping off the stage.

Well It Happened That the Pta Was Gonna Meet That Very Afternoon
And Boy, Were They Surprised As Mrs. Johnson Wore Her Miniskirt Into the Room
And As She Walked Up to the Blackboard I Can Still Recall the Word She Had to Say
She Said "I'd Like to Address This Meeting of the Harper Valley Pta

By the time I’d sang that much, I had strolled over to the table where my so called friends were sitting. You should’ve seen the looks on their faces when I started singing to them. “Now there’s Scotty Levy sittin’ there and seven times he’s asked me for a date.” I sang pointing straight at Raven. “And Mrs. Levy sure seems to use a lot of ice, whenever he’s away.” I turned my attention to Jeff Hardy on that one. “And Mr. Billy can you tell us why your secretary had to leave this town.” Billy Gunn’s face was redder than hell on that one. “And shouldn’t widow James be told to keep his window shades all pulled completely down.” James Storm tried to hind under his hat. That was until I took it off his head and put it on myself. “Now Mr. Sabin couldn’t be here cause he stayed to long at Kelly’s bar again.” Chris looked like he wanted to crawl under the table. “And if you smell AJ Styles breath you’ll find he’s had a little nip of gin.” Much to my surprise AJ just laughed at me. “And then you have the nerve to tell me, you think that as a mother I’m not fit.” I took a couple of steps away from the table and continued on, staring at all of them. “Well this is just a little Payton Place and you’re all Harper Valley hypocrites.”

I walked back to the stage and sang the few remaining lines of the song, and I couldn’t believe it when I was finished there was resounding applause from the audience. Apparently they got the feeling that those meanies over at that table made me get up here and sing this song. I looked over at all of them. AJ was still laughing, Chris looked proud, Billy was still a little red, James was just gesturing toward his head, trying to tell me he wanted his hat back, Jeff was sitting there looking almost elated that I’d called him Mrs. Levy, and Scott was sitting there like the wicked witch of west. You know that I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog too, look. I stepped off the stage and walked over to them all.

I handed James his hat, and bent to give Chris a kiss on the lips. Hey, I’d just gotten up in front of all these guys and sang Harper Valley PTA, I wasn’t scared to kiss another man in front of them. I grabbed Chris’s hand and started to walk out the door. “Hey!” I heard Scott yell behind me. “Double or nothing?”

“What’d you have in mind Levy?” I asked, almost afraid, but still feeling ten foot tall and bullet proof.

“Tomorrow, same bet.” Scott said, getting a sinister look on his face. “This time it’s Girlfriend by Pebbles.”

I thought about it for a minute, then smiled and equally sinister smile and said, “Sure, you should sound good singing that Scotty.” I wrapped my arm around Chris and walked out, wondering what the look on Scott’s face was now.